Conversations in the Home (Ep. 1)
What busy family life is quietly costing our children, and what to do about it.
Many children struggle to find their feet as they go through different development phases, and these struggles are often heightened during their teenage years. They face so many daunting challenges, often due to natural changes with growth (e.g., hormonal changes) and social factors such as the family unit, schools, and social groups. And because these are generally perceived as normal growth phases for our children, we often shove a ‘Trust-The-Process’ attitude at them, without providing thorough guidance. Our lack of clarity about the original design for child development has made us (the adults) passive in our approach to going the full length in empowering them to thrive and make the most of each phase.
This raises the critical question: how?
How do we gain clarity about the authentic design for child development? How do we keep our kids from merely ‘trying-to-figure-it-out’ and reacting to everything life throws at them? How can we ensure our teenage children confide in us because they trust our guidance? And no, it's not about trying to look cool or relatable to them (that can quickly become a rabbit hole!) but about supporting them to grow purposefully. In these times where moral collapse is coming to an all-time high, and our kids have become the target for demoralisation, the solution is simple: discipleship.
Discipleship is not some religious phrase to describe new converts. It is the perfect model through which God’s kingdom and influence pervades the institutions of this world, beginning from our families.
In this series, we will attempt to unpack practical scriptural principles for Christ-centred discipleship in the home. Along these lines, we will clarify what discipleship is in the first place and why it is the only way to build a successful home. We will also establish practical steps for implementing discipleship in the home through tools like quality conversations, whether your children are toddlers or teenagers. These principles can also apply to the child who has not yet been conceived or is still in the womb.
Work-Life Imbalance
While thinking through this first episode and doing some research, we came across an interesting term, ‘Karoshi’. It’s a Japanese word that is translated to mean ‘overwork death’, or ‘death by overwork’. So what does this mean, and how does it relate to conversations in the home? We will lay the groundwork in the first few episodes and build up from there as we go along.
Karoshi is a recognised sociomedical phenomenon in Japan where employees die suddenly due to extreme occupational stress and long working hours. While the term originated in Japan in the 1970s, it is now recognised globally as a serious public health issue. In Karoshi-prone work environments, you see employees working as much as 12 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. That’s about 70 to 80 hours a week, as opposed to the generally standardised 40-hour work week. And because these work environments do not have high employee value, there are little to no regulations or policies that safeguard against this work-life imbalance. (Thankfully, organisations and government agencies are increasingly fostering stronger initiatives to curb these sorts of adverse work environments.)
However, my point in explaining this term is to lead into a broader perspective—how unhealthy working conditions affect our homes and kids. And gradually erodes an essential component of the family identity: quality conversations with our children.
Children of all ages suffer varying levels of social and emotional harm when there is even the slightest bit of neglect in this area.
In fact, there is evidence that shows strong connections between parents’ work stress and working hours with adolescent suicidal ideation (suicidal thoughts). And this is caused by reduced parental support and fewer (quality) parent-child interactions.
Where we go from here
Building a culture of intentional communication in a home is the bedrock for building a successful home culture. In reality, many parents may not be in a financial position to opt away from their jobs to spend more time with their kids. So, are there ways to manage our working conditions while still getting the best outcomes for our children? Stick around, and in subsequent episodes, we’ll expound on this.